[Tatsumi was here now. Mayoi had wished with all his heart that none of the others would show up here, but he also knew that there was still the dark, nasty part of him that missed the absent half of ALKALOID and longed for their faces.]
[So, seeing Tatsumi had brought him both joy and sorrow in a way that was difficult for him to cope with. But ...in the end, he had to carry on. That was the law of this place. Keep going or succumb. If he lingered too long in his fear of what-ifs, he might not be able to climb back out of it again. After all, he is still haunted by the visage of Jiro's corpse, someone who had both been kind to him, and wielded a power that should not have made him easy to kill- and yet his body have been dug up, killed without any of them knowing, and not a clue for the culprit.]
[Anxious and unsure in his own kitchen, Mayoi impulsively offers a walk. It's not strange for them to take walks, after all. Tatsumi had always done so when his nerves were getting the better of him. Their house was cozy but full, and Mayoi wanted the air to think, and he realizes that he can show Tatsumi to the church. So, he offers to walk him out that way and then they can talk in private.]
[He thinks there is a great deal they should discuss, and he selfishly wants this time to himself.]
Does the coat fit all right...?
[It's certainly getting colder every day, but luckily scavenging warm clothing hasn't been difficult.]
[ Sometimes you wake up in a train, find yourself transported into another world, meet a bunch of strangers, and get haunted by a mildly evil cloud, and all you can really do about it is go on a walk with your good friend - who, inexplicably, is also here.
He's happy to accept Mayoi's request for a walk, and happy to have him at his side once more. He's already learned that this place can be a difficult one, so more than anything he's happy that he and Hiiro have someone as observant and dedicated as Mayoi with them - even if he'd be happiest if none of them were here at all.
That's not the case, though, and Tatsumi has never been one to languish in despair over misfortune. Instead he'll focus on the good of the situation, like: ]
It does, thank you.
[ He laughs, a soft noise that's just as evident as a puff of condensation as it is as a sound. ]
Nothing about this situation is normal, but for some reason the change in temperature feels the most strange.
[ It had been almost too hot when he was last in Japan, and now here he is bundled up in a coat and thinking it would be nice to also have a scarf. ]
[He looks relieved. He may ask later if Tatsumi has any requests. He is the one in charge of the stockpile, so he has the ability to go in and find what people are looking for. Scarves should be an easy request to grant.]
[Mayoi leads them out of the main halls— Poppy hall, where they live, is simply a series of houses, and so they must walk through the shared courtyard for the proper short cut Mayoi likes to take. It’s nice and cold and early in the morning. Mayoi is not a morning person but he has simply just not been to sleep. Its fine. He’ll sleep eventually. Hiiro is about to start his daily “NIISAN I LOVE YOU” wake up call, anyway.]
[The walk to the church will be a decent one, so they will have plenty of time to talk.]
I-I agree… Ah, if it’s okay for me to ask— What does Tatsumi-san remember last?
[ It's a weird question, but one Tatsumi is prepared for. He's heard all sorts of strange things about this world so far, so one more strange question doesn't even make him blink. He does lapse into thoughtful silence for a moment, however. ]
Do you remember when Aira-san was working with Jun-san during his savanna-themed stageplay? It was a little later in the summer after the MDM.
[Mayoi falls quiet, turning that answer over in his head. A thoughtful silence on his end, too. So, past the MDM but not as far along as Hiiro-san or himself.]
[After a moment, Mayoi finally speaks up again.]
I-I see. So, then, of course this scathing winter would be a surprise.
[That summer had been unbelievably sweltering, after all.]
It was closer to autumn for me. The weather had begun to cool but only barely. The heat was particularly punishing this year... Ah, we had just performed a special live where Aira-san got to plan the theming and we debuted a song called Living on The Edge.
[He doesn't expect Tatsumi to recognize any of that because of his time stamp, but he offers it anyway, just in case.]
Hiiro-san does not have this memory, either, so I've been teaching the song to him. I-I can do the same for you, if you like. It would be nice to have us practice together ...even if it's just the three of us.
[He pauses for a moment, thinking about how to bring up the next part.]
Some of the others remember things ...far beyond autumn. Shinkai-san spoke of the SS, for example. Ah, but some remember much less. Amagi-san has not experienced the MDM yet, buy his current knowledge.
[...]
Ah ...T-Tatsumi-san. I am ...about to ask you a very strange question.
[ Learning one of their future songs from Mayoi... that's a comfort he wasn't expecting, and he gives him an eager nod in response.
The next question, though, is odd. Probably not as odd as whatever question Mayoi is about to ask, but enough that Tatsumi blinks and tilts his head before responding. ]
[ Ah, a difficult subject. Tatsumi is silent for a long moment before he responds. ]
It the time it seemed as though we were receiving at least some support. Other groups invited us to share their stages with them, and our performances were met with a great deal of applause. We even did well in our duel against Knights.
But it seems asking our fans to support us and Crazy:B was too much. In the end we didn't receive a single vote.
[ ... But, of course, Mayoi should know all of that - so why is he asking now? ]
[Especially if that answer makes Mayoi stop in his tracks and stare at Tatsumi with abject surprise. That's ...actually worse than his version of the events, and he didn't think that was possible. They had at least...]
...You would not make up such a thing- I...
[Whoof. Give him a second.]
F-For Hiiro-san ...we won. We won the MDM and made a name for ourselves. A few others here also corroborate that story.
[ 'We won' gets a blink from Tatsumi, though he has something to say about Mayoi's followup comment. ]
That's... not what I recall. We weren't fired. Eichi-san said that he liked our strategy-- [ Tatsumi's thin tone should convey what he thinks about that. ] --and encouraged us to stay with Starmaker, even though ALKALOID was technically disbanded. But we certainly didn't win.
[That makes Mayoi go white as a sheet. It's probably ...one of the things he fears the most (among a few other things, of course), so to hear it said like it was truth. He closes his eyes a moment and takes a deep breath. The chill, winter air helps ground him]
We ...We made it as far as that final stage. We were successful in our struggle to save them, and in the end, it was Crazy:B who shined on that stage, far brighter than us.
[It's ...bittersweet, if Mayoi is honest. He remembers feeling like they had accomplished their goal at their own expense, and so they reaped what they had sewn. It had made things difficult for them afterwards, but even so, they had been allowed to stay a unit.]
[ Yup, that's the reaction Tatsumi expected, and he steps closer to rest a reassuring hand on Mayoi's shoulder. He remembers the anxiety of waiting for the MDM results to post, the awful dread of realizing ALKALOID didn't even have an entry on the results screen, the quiet distress of exchanging a glance with Mayoi when they both realized what it mean moments before Aira and Hiiro.
But that, apparently, is not what Mayoi remembers, and the realization has Tatsumi feeling suddenly adrift. It had been a horrible moment, but they had gone through it together. So why... ]
That means that, for some reason, you, Hiiro-san, and I all remember the MDM very differently.
["Disbanded" is still ringing in his ears, honestly. Had... had they no Lives together after the MDM? Had even the concept of Aira's autumn project just vanished into the ether in Tatsumi's version of events? What about the further stuff? Like the SS? All of it...]
[Tatsumi's hand on his shoulder brings him back. He nods before finally looking up at him.]
Yes ...Of. Of all the memory discrepancies shared between us, the MDM seems to be the one event most of us can't agree on. There are other things, too. Ah, Hiiro is missing the event I mentioned before, the one with Aira-san, but he recalls more after that fact.
This place has tampered with us in unsettling ways, Tatsumi-san, and we're not yet sure why.
[ Unsettling ways indeed, and the mystery hanging over it makes that unsettled feeling intensify. And never mind how upsetting is to think that one of his most important memories, even if it's a bad one, might not even be real. Since, after all... ]
I suppose if most people agree with Hiiro's version of events, that's most likely how it really happened.
[ That's not really any comfort, but maybe Mayoi will get some relief from knowing that the 'disbanded' option is perhaps less likely than the alternative. ]
[It should be relieving, but Mayoi is someone who does not have a complacent, optimistic bone in his body. He runs under the assumption of a worse case scenario at all times, because the moment he grows comfortable, he risks slipping up and losing everything.]
[It makes him come off as a pessimist, but really he is just wired to be on edge at all times for his own survival.]
That has been the consensus as well, however I-I…
[He does not want to worry Tatsumi, though. So …he tries to be gentle about his opinion on that matter.]
I do not feel comfortable assuming that’s the case until we have proof. This place may yet toy with us further, we truly do not know, so. W-We can assume nothing. That is why …
[The next important order of business.]
Tatsumi-san should have woken with a palm sized gem of some sort on his person. Is that true?
[ Tatsumi, conversely, isn't exactly an optimist himself. He knows how to be practical, though, and knows that it's important to avoid catastrophizing. While he won't entirely trust the information, he's willing to take it as likely that Hiiro's recollection is correct.
The gemstone, though. Tatsumi nods, reaching into one of his pockets to withdraw the rock in question. It's diamond shaped, unsurprisingly, a vibrant teal color with flecks of gold throughout. Two of the corners are chipped and there's a crack right down the center, but it's otherwise in fine shape. ]
[They strike a good balance for a reason. Mayoi is content to let that subject go for now. The gem is far more impressive to them immediately.]
[Mayoi can’t help but lean in close to look at it once Tatsumi has it out. Now that they know what they mean, looking at them feels very intimate. That Tatsumi’s is still diamond shaped even after knowing ALKALOID was disbanded in his memories, it brings a certain amount of fondness to Mayoi. That bond truly was forged of steel, wasn’t it?]
[Very gently, Mayoi takes his hands, folding Tatsumi’s hand securely over the gem and then clasping it between Mayoi’s hands]
Keep it safe at all costs. Our… our lives are bound to these gems. Our bodies are capable of dying, but so long as this gem is safe, we will revive.
[There is a beat before Mayoi tightens his grip on Tatsumi’s hands.]
I-I know it sounds impossible- it should be, truly, but— A-Amagi-san has experienced it first hand.
[ Ah. Mayaoi isn't the sort of person to run hot, be it physically or emotionally, but in the sharp evening chill his hand is very warm against Tatsumi's skin. It has Tatsumi's expression softening, going from tense and thoughtful to warm and relaxed. He lifts his free hand to clasp Mayoi's in return.
But the tension comes back just a moment later, and Tatsumi's grip on Mayoi tightens. Dying and coming back? That's both extremely uncomfortable and extremely alarming to think about. But more importantly... ]
Does Hiiro-san know?
[ Because Rinne dying seems like the sort of thing that would make him fully lose his shit. ]
[Mayoi nods gently, though his eyes are turned away for now.]
Yes. I- I was not there when he found out, I think they had a very private conversation about the matter, but it is public knowledge in this town that Amagi-san died.
[And then he offers a small, humorless little smile.]
I imagine he felt his pride was not worth withholding such information from the rest of us, so he announced it at one of the town meetings.
[There is a small pause, and Mayoi looks decidedly uncomfortable.]
I have also sustained injuries that ...likely should have killed me, but did not.
[Breakfast today was Tatsumi's turn, despite the date. It was probably harder for Tatsumi to keep it mind given the last day he recalled before arriving, but both Hiiro and Mayoi had been talking about it in secret for the last few days.
There wasn't a lot of things that were considered good or enjoyable here. Decent and acceptable, if not involving injury or death, was all they can ask for. Things that make them content.
So a small celebration was something they wanted to give Tatsumi, to make up for his poor experience so far, and to liven up their own lives.
They waited until he was downstairs before Hiiro snuck up to the attic, the decorations they've been making in his arms. He had to hide them from everyone so no one saw, because they wanted a small affair. It wouldn't do to leave it in the attic where Tatsumi was staying with Mayoi, after all.
They had to work fast, so as soon as they could, they started hanging up the decorations. There's the stringed up 'Happy Birthday' message that Mayoi made, the small wax candles Hiiro made, and other paraphernalia they happened to gather.
It was in the middle of deciding how to get the cake out of the refrigerator when Tatsumi returns, making them freeze in place.]
[ Tatsumi has, indeed, completely forgotten what day it is. Inconsistent timelines can really mess a guy up! So he contents himself with making a simple but hopefully agreeable breakfast for all three of them: rice, some broth that sort of resembles miso, and his best approximation of tamagoyaki when he has half of the ingredients and the wrong sort of pan. They both took good care of him while he was sick, so it's the least he can do to repay the favor.
He's not expecting to return to the attic and be confronted with the preamble to a birthday celebration. He blinks and freezes, suddenly overcome with an awkward sort of shyness. It's not hard for him to piece together what he's missing, and just the thought that the two of them would even try warms his heart until it nearly chokes him.
Ah, he can't let them think he's upset. So he offers them a warm smile, and if it's a little more personal and earnest than usual then surely that's fine. ]
I would offer to wait until you're done, but I don't think we should let breakfast get cold.
[ He gently gestures with his tray of food and bowls and utensils. See? ]
[Yes, they have had this little plan of theirs for some time. It was tricky for Mayoi to get away sometimes so that he could work on some to the decorations. They are very modest, and Mayoi worries that they are almost pitiable in their simplicity. They did not have a lot to work with, and Mayoi can only do so much with thread and knitting.]
[But, he thinks too that Tatsumi is the sort of person to appreciate that sort of thing, so they quickly got to work when Tatsumi left for breakfast. Ah, but, the cake was such an obstacle that they lost much more time trying to sort it out than Mayoi expected.]
[So, when Tatsumi appears again at the door, Mayoi bristles like a startled cat.]
T-Tatsumi-san!
[Oh. Oh, what does he think? Is he upset? Is it bad? Mayoi is about to leap into several apologies before he finally speaks up, and he feels himself settling back down.]
A-Ah... that is. That is probably best...
[Fidget ...fidget...]
I-I'm sorry, I hope. I hope Tatsumi-san is alright with this- we. We wanted to give you a small celebration...
[In contrast, Hiiro immediately bounces back to cheerfulness, no sense of embarrassment left at being caught. He hangs the last of the decoration quickly before he grabs Mayoi's hand in his, gesturing to the sign.]
Happy Birthday, Tatsumi-senpai! Thank you for being born.
[ Ah, this celebration is already so them, Mayoi awkward and anxious and Hiiro earnestly going all-in on the concept.
There is a flicker to Tatsumi's expression when Hiiro offers that particular phrasing of his birthday wishes, a slight waver born of joy that shines so intently it burns. But in the end it's genuine delight and affection that fuels his smile. Tatsumi strides forward and sets the breakfast platter on the attic table. ]
Thank you, Hiiro-san. And you as well, Mayoi-san. You must have worked hard to get all of this together.
[Ah... it seems that their efforts have been recieved well. Mayoi relaxes his shoulders, feeling relief. It's not like he thought Tatsumi would be upset, but, there has been so much going on, so much to be worried and upset over, that he wondered if such an thing might feel tactless.]
[Mayoi's own smile grows and he holds his hands gently in front of him.]
We are both blessed to have you, as well. Happy Birthday, Tatsumi-san.
[After a moment, Mayoi fidgets a bit with a loose piece of hair, turning to Hiiro.]
[That means he has to let go of his hand. He should do that, so he does. Still, if Mayoi was going to get the cake, Hiiro and Tatsumi would just end up waiting quietly and talking.
They can't hand him his presents until all three of them are here.]
Then I'll wait here with Tatsumi-senpai.
[At this, he turns to Tatsumi and bounds over to pull him into his signature hug. The same way he always does, with Aira or Mayoi.]
[ this is his second hardest person. not because of any silly reason narukami might pin down, but because it's just difficult to make sure that tatsumi is clear of any and all peoples who might make even a passing mention of kaname speaking to the other. maybe it's silly to be so overcautious, but considering the other things he's been up to this month...
kaname wants to at least pretend he's following one of his brother's wishes. in any case, when he does manage to spot an opening, tatsumi'll feel a tug on his clothes for his attention. it's kaname, suddenly appearing from beside a shop, with a box in hand. like the kind bakeries have for smaller pastries. ]
Tatsumi-senpai. [ hello. he's just shoving the box at him. ] Here, you can have those. Eat them before they melt.
[ ... even though he'd been told, like everyone else, to refer to kaname as "yodaka", at least tatsumi knows that isn't his real name. they'd been schoolmates after all. him and one of the "HiMERU"s. ]
[ Things have been somewhere between weird and bizarre since Kaname's arrival, not that you would know it just looking at Tatsumi. When one's own memories can but under so much doubt it's easy to want to bundle up those doubts and set them aside until you can figure out what's going on.
Not that Tatsumi has had much luck in that field, either. The MDM had been one thing, where nearly everyone remembered something different to what Tatsumi did, but the only three points of data he has are himself, HiMERU, and Kaname. He keeps catching himself wishing Jun was here, and then immediately chiding himself for wishing for such a thing.
The feeling that he's being avoided is an old friend, at least, and it doesn't gnaw at him as much as it had when he was a child. Still, the speed at which he goes from startled to delighted when Kaname materializes in front of him is obvious. He accepts the pastries with a smile that's so pleased it borders on silly. ]
Thank you, Kaname-san. I hope it wasn't difficult for you to get a hold of these.
[ Tatsumi remembers HiMERU asking (ordering) then to refer to Kaname as Yodaka. But, as Tatsumi had realized with bizarre and overwhelming anxiety, HiMERU and Kaname are not actually the same person. So he'll wait until Kaname himself makes the request. ]
Have you been adjusting well? Your brother was rather worried about you.
[ -- no, it's preferred, really, that tatsumi calls him kaname. so he doesn't correct him, it just. feels like he's having a breath of fresh air after all he remembers is HiMERU-san, HiMERU-san, HiMERU-san; the name had been suffocating, being called one he's been told must be his own is so...
nice.
it makes him beam, far too pleased too. it's like they're really equals. that, and the delight that tatsumi has in seeing him... it's embarrassing how some things don't change. kaname wishes this particular thing did.
the box won't really be pastries, mind -- they're actually chocolates, three solid pawprint ones and three truffles with an attempt at chocolate cream inside. it's honestly probably one of his better tries for cream and that isn't saying much. ]
It wasn't a trouble at all, I made them!
[ preening... he made them. he should not be trusted with a knife but chocolate is fine. ]
And I'm adjusting well enough. Of course, the weather has been a thorn in my side, but that's the least of my worries -- you get used to it. [ you should not get used to it. ] My brother's certainly one to talk, though -- I'm the one worrying over him.
[ ... and feeling so lonely won't lie... why won't HiMERU keep his visits as long as he did before, why does he always have something else to do or someplace to be now... it's just like over the phone again... ]
[ Tatsumi had once remarked to ALKALOID that 'HiMERU' had changed radically since Tatsumi last saw him. Seeing Kaname now, he feels like an idiot for not immediately discerning the truth of the matter. He can't truly be certain, not with the looming possibility that his memories are wrong, but with each passing moment he's certain that the HiMERU of Crazy:B is not his friend from Reimei, and never has been.
Of course, with that certainty comes the simmering guilt of never having noticed for certain, and the queasy nausea of realizing that this means he has no idea where Kaname really is back home. But those are his emotions to deal with. They may concern Kaname, but they aren't his concern.
So instead, Tatsumi will let himself be pleased all over again when Kaname brags about having made the chocolates himself. It's something to keep his mood elevated while they turn towards a subject that, frankly, is much less pleasant. ]
Have you told him? I think it's natural for brothers to worry about one another, but it's not good for either of you to be stressed.
I haven't. My brother can take care of himself too, he just doesn't.
[ it's a single flaw in the other. almost refreshing, if it wasn't so similar to a certain someone. ]
Just like you. You certainly are lucky you have others to watch over you now, since were such a handful yourself... though I hope that you've learned better.
[ kaname pairs his words with a stern look, but that's about as far as he'll lecture the other; he hasn't the right to anymore, after all.
... honestly, why don't they get along? they're so alike, and they're both important to him. kaname hates sneaking around behind his brother's back, as used to it as he is by now, and with the same person he had before too. ]
[ Ah. He's been doxxed. Tatsumi at least has the grace to look a little embarrassed when Kaname calls him out on his inability to care for himself. ]
I'm afraid I still have a lot to learn. It's difficult to remember that I don't always need to be self-sufficient now.
[ Technically speaking, he hadn't needed that in Reimei either - but now he's relying on people that are supposed to be his peers, not his subordinates, and it comes a little easier. ]
I'm surprised HiMERU-san is the same way. Crazy:B's relationship with each other isn't the same as what we have in ALKALOID, but they still seem quite close.
[ at least it's a stupid, if respectable thing, in kaname's eyes. one of the many, many things he likes -- and hates -- about tatsumi. ]
My brother seems to like them, but I don't know at all how they interact with one another... That's good enough for me though, even if the only one I can really stand is Shiina. Amagi is too coarse and Oukawa...
[ ... ]
Oukawa just ticks me off.
[ yeah. no that isn't all it is, there's an underlying enviousness on kaname's part for oukawa's natural talent while he lacks it himself. ]
I'm not surprised Taka-nii is the way he is, though -- he lived alone for a long time before he and I met, though I don't know if he remembers that.
[ Aha, so Kohaku is a sore spot for Kaname. Good to note. He'll have to see if he can't encourage them to get along. ]
Hmm. Crazy:B was in the same position as ALKALOID for some time, given the concerns about our performance. It can be hard to shake off that sort of anxiety.
[ He's ultimately only guessing, however. HiMERU has (very pointedly, he's realizing) refused to let Tatsumi get too close, so there's actually not much Tatsumi knows about him. ]
[ ... well, no more than his companion anyway. but tatsumi is painfully human, even if he is an extraordinary human. more than that, though -- ]
Is it about your prior status as an "underachiever", Tatsumi-senpai? Suou mentioned it -- I couldn't believe my ears -- and I didn't ask after it, since there was no way someone like you could've ever been called that.
[ in fact he got real pissed about it. actually he does when anyone mentions it so that's why he never finds out why. ]
[ Naturally, Tatsumi only chuckles a little at Kaname's disbelief that Tatsumi was ever considered an underachiever. ]
Aira-san said something similar when we were assigned to a unit together. It's true, though. No matter how impressive someone might find my resume from my time in Reimei, I still spent many months hardly achieving anything under Starmaker Production.
[ As for why, well... eh, it's not entirely worth discussing right this moment. ]
I think most people would agree it was generous of Eichi-san to even give me a second chance, rather than firing me outright.
[ But the full details on his opinion on Eichi, too, aren't something really worth discussing right now. ]
Late in feb - Idol Haus [cw: drugging. mayoi's intrusive thoughts. soft yan tendencies]
[There is a presence in the tea closet. It's a dark, miasma sort of thing that seems to be leaking out from behind the closed door. While kind of off-putting, it is familiar.]
[Mayoi is troubled and he has been lost in his own thoughts. It's been some time since he's let them take the reigns like this, but ...well. It's been a long time since he's been given the outlet. Hiiro has not been able to sleep, because he's gone and gotten himself into something. It's distressing to watch him suffer but it's even more distressing that the boy has barely been alive again a few days before he's gotten cursed. He's... he's a little wound up on top of his concern.]
[So he is gleefully smashing valerian root into a tray of dried chamomile and muttering to himself.]
Just enough, just enouuugh, and he will not do this agaiiiin, isn't that right...? A little more ...to keep him in line, yes. He cannot get into trouble if he is too tiiiiired...
[A soft, spooky chuckle.]
This much is okay, isn't it...? It's for the best.
That's not a metaphor, or at least he doesn't think it is. That sort of thing would make perfect since in a town like this. If there is, in fact, actually be a demon in his closet? Whatever. That's Tuesday for you. Still. While Tatsumi has come to accept that this town has demons, and that those demons aren't necessarily a problem, this demon is in his closet. He'd rather it not be, and so he approaches.
But then he gets closer and recognizes Mayoi's voice, and he realizes the only demons to fight tonight are the metaphorical sort. He lingers outside the door for a moment, eavesdropping to ensure that he's not interrupting anything truly dire. After a long moment, he lifts a hand to knock. ]
Mayoi-san.
[ His tone is soft and gentle, but perhaps a little more tired than usual. ]
[And as is often the case when Tatsumi approaches this presence, if vanishes the moment Mayoi's attention is snared.]
HIIEEE!
[He nearly jumps straight out of his skin, snapping back to reality. He's disoriented, alarmed, and suddenly now, full of panic. Tatsumi-san has cauuuuught him, what is he to do? Oh no, oh no...]
T-Tatsumi-san! [He has not come out. In fact he might be wedged under the small work space he was making his concoction on.]
I-I-I wasn't g-going to really do iiiit, Tatsumi-saaaan, I promise! I promise! Please don't smite meeeeee....!!
[He was, if he's being honest. He'd full intentions of putting this in Hiiro-san's food, but he is already sick with shame at being caught, he isn't going to admit it and make it worse.]
[ Oh, Mayoi really is in a bad way, isn't he? Tatsumi offers a thoughtful hum in response to Mayoi's pleas of innocence. He doesn't doubt that Mayoi doesn't intend to hurt anyone, and just as equally doesn't doubt that whatever it is he's making was going to go directly into Hiiro's next meal.
And yeah, that's a problem. But since it hasn't ended up in Hiiro's food yet, it's less pressing problem than Mayoi's current mental state. ]
I'm going to open up the door, okay?
[ And then he will do just that - provided it's unlocked. ]
[He doesn't not call out to stop him. He does not move from where he is wedged under the table, ether. The closet is not very big and is normally just has the space for one person and all the tea and tea supplies so its a bit of a snug fit-- however, Tatsumi should be able to close the door behind him if he chooses.]
[Mayoi has a miserable look about him, and he's already got fresh tears streaming down his face. He is in a bad way, and he let his thoughts sweep him up in his helplessness to do anything about the situation.]
...I-Its okay if you must... I'm just a rotten, worthless shadow, Tatsumi-san. I can't do anything to help anyone...
[ It's a tight fit, but Tatsumi knows how much Mayoi favors dim, enclosed spaces. So he slides himself into the closet, pulls the door closed behind him, and then crouches down to better speak with Mayoi. His ankle twinges a little at the movement, but he ignores it.
He reaches out to pick up the tray of Mayoi's concoction, lifting it just far enough for him to catch the scent of the contents. The unmistakable odor of valerian root jumps out at him immediately, along with the gentler scent of chamomile. A sleep aid, then. He sets the tray back down.
His normally serene expression clouds at the sight of Mayoi's tear-streaked face and the self-loathing in his words. He stays where he is for the moment, but only because he fears reaching so far into Mayoi's haven before he's ready will only upset him further. ]
You know, Mayoi-san, I think if you offered this to Hiiro-san and told him it would help him sleep, he would accept it gladly.
[He practically holds his breath, waiting for a judgement and sentence that never comes. Instead, he gets soft, understanding words that he thinks he does not deserve, and Tatsumi's patience in helping him find a way to express himself in a way that does not give into his dark urges.]
[It's a little too much for him right now and he sucks in a breath, only for him to choke out a sob a moment later, bringing his hands to his face.]
....Would it...? Would it...? Would he accept such a thing from me...?
[Of course he would, but right now he can't see it. Can't see that the obvious solution here is to just go and confront someone face-to-face instead of resorting to his quieter, worrisome habits.]
I don't know if it would even help... I've never seen him struggle to sleep like this. I don't know what else to do.
[Tatsumi offers his hand, much in the same way one does to a volatile stray, and Mayoi sees it at reaches his own hand out like the skittish cat that he is sometimes. Once he's made contact, though, he takes it in both hands and greedily holds it close to his chest.]
...I-I'm sorry. Tatsumi-san is being so kind and patient with me, but I feel rather undeserving of it right now.
[He takes a shaky breath.]
These ...These things that keep happening, I wish I could be the one to shoulder it instead of him. I would gladly do it, Tatsumi-san.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
december 1st ish
[So, seeing Tatsumi had brought him both joy and sorrow in a way that was difficult for him to cope with. But ...in the end, he had to carry on. That was the law of this place. Keep going or succumb. If he lingered too long in his fear of what-ifs, he might not be able to climb back out of it again. After all, he is still haunted by the visage of Jiro's corpse, someone who had both been kind to him, and wielded a power that should not have made him easy to kill- and yet his body have been dug up, killed without any of them knowing, and not a clue for the culprit.]
[Anxious and unsure in his own kitchen, Mayoi impulsively offers a walk. It's not strange for them to take walks, after all. Tatsumi had always done so when his nerves were getting the better of him. Their house was cozy but full, and Mayoi wanted the air to think, and he realizes that he can show Tatsumi to the church. So, he offers to walk him out that way and then they can talk in private.]
[He thinks there is a great deal they should discuss, and he selfishly wants this time to himself.]
Does the coat fit all right...?
[It's certainly getting colder every day, but luckily scavenging warm clothing hasn't been difficult.]
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He's happy to accept Mayoi's request for a walk, and happy to have him at his side once more. He's already learned that this place can be a difficult one, so more than anything he's happy that he and Hiiro have someone as observant and dedicated as Mayoi with them - even if he'd be happiest if none of them were here at all.
That's not the case, though, and Tatsumi has never been one to languish in despair over misfortune. Instead he'll focus on the good of the situation, like: ]
It does, thank you.
[ He laughs, a soft noise that's just as evident as a puff of condensation as it is as a sound. ]
Nothing about this situation is normal, but for some reason the change in temperature feels the most strange.
[ It had been almost too hot when he was last in Japan, and now here he is bundled up in a coat and thinking it would be nice to also have a scarf. ]
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[Mayoi leads them out of the main halls— Poppy hall, where they live, is simply a series of houses, and so they must walk through the shared courtyard for the proper short cut Mayoi likes to take. It’s nice and cold and early in the morning. Mayoi is not a morning person but he has simply just not been to sleep. Its fine. He’ll sleep eventually. Hiiro is about to start his daily “NIISAN I LOVE YOU” wake up call, anyway.]
[The walk to the church will be a decent one, so they will have plenty of time to talk.]
I-I agree… Ah, if it’s okay for me to ask— What does Tatsumi-san remember last?
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Do you remember when Aira-san was working with Jun-san during his savanna-themed stageplay? It was a little later in the summer after the MDM.
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[After a moment, Mayoi finally speaks up again.]
I-I see. So, then, of course this scathing winter would be a surprise.
[That summer had been unbelievably sweltering, after all.]
It was closer to autumn for me. The weather had begun to cool but only barely. The heat was particularly punishing this year... Ah, we had just performed a special live where Aira-san got to plan the theming and we debuted a song called Living on The Edge.
[He doesn't expect Tatsumi to recognize any of that because of his time stamp, but he offers it anyway, just in case.]
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[ As for the rest of it... yup, not a single word of that is ringing any bells. A shame, too, because some of it sounds quite enjoyable. ]
Ah, but I'm glad to hear Aira-san was given a chance to take the lead. I'm sure he did wonderfully with it.
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[Mayoi smiles, a fond look on his face.]
Hiiro-san does not have this memory, either, so I've been teaching the song to him. I-I can do the same for you, if you like. It would be nice to have us practice together ...even if it's just the three of us.
[He pauses for a moment, thinking about how to bring up the next part.]
Some of the others remember things ...far beyond autumn. Shinkai-san spoke of the SS, for example. Ah, but some remember much less. Amagi-san has not experienced the MDM yet, buy his current knowledge.
[...]
Ah ...T-Tatsumi-san. I am ...about to ask you a very strange question.
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The next question, though, is odd. Probably not as odd as whatever question Mayoi is about to ask, but enough that Tatsumi blinks and tilts his head before responding. ]
Go ahead.
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How… how did the MDM end for Tatsumi-san?
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It the time it seemed as though we were receiving at least some support. Other groups invited us to share their stages with them, and our performances were met with a great deal of applause. We even did well in our duel against Knights.
But it seems asking our fans to support us and Crazy:B was too much. In the end we didn't receive a single vote.
[ ... But, of course, Mayoi should know all of that - so why is he asking now? ]
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...You would not make up such a thing- I...
[Whoof. Give him a second.]
F-For Hiiro-san ...we won. We won the MDM and made a name for ourselves. A few others here also corroborate that story.
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That's... not what I recall. We weren't fired. Eichi-san said that he liked our strategy-- [ Tatsumi's thin tone should convey what he thinks about that. ] --and encouraged us to stay with Starmaker, even though ALKALOID was technically disbanded. But we certainly didn't win.
[ But Mayoi says 'for Hiiro', and so: ]
What do you recall, Mayoi-san?
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[That makes Mayoi go white as a sheet. It's probably ...one of the things he fears the most (among a few other things, of course), so to hear it said like it was truth. He closes his eyes a moment and takes a deep breath. The chill, winter air helps ground him]
We ...We made it as far as that final stage. We were successful in our struggle to save them, and in the end, it was Crazy:B who shined on that stage, far brighter than us.
[It's ...bittersweet, if Mayoi is honest. He remembers feeling like they had accomplished their goal at their own expense, and so they reaped what they had sewn. It had made things difficult for them afterwards, but even so, they had been allowed to stay a unit.]
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But that, apparently, is not what Mayoi remembers, and the realization has Tatsumi feeling suddenly adrift. It had been a horrible moment, but they had gone through it together. So why... ]
That means that, for some reason, you, Hiiro-san, and I all remember the MDM very differently.
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[Tatsumi's hand on his shoulder brings him back. He nods before finally looking up at him.]
Yes ...Of. Of all the memory discrepancies shared between us, the MDM seems to be the one event most of us can't agree on. There are other things, too. Ah, Hiiro is missing the event I mentioned before, the one with Aira-san, but he recalls more after that fact.
This place has tampered with us in unsettling ways, Tatsumi-san, and we're not yet sure why.
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I suppose if most people agree with Hiiro's version of events, that's most likely how it really happened.
[ That's not really any comfort, but maybe Mayoi will get some relief from knowing that the 'disbanded' option is perhaps less likely than the alternative. ]
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[It makes him come off as a pessimist, but really he is just wired to be on edge at all times for his own survival.]
That has been the consensus as well, however I-I…
[He does not want to worry Tatsumi, though. So …he tries to be gentle about his opinion on that matter.]
I do not feel comfortable assuming that’s the case until we have proof. This place may yet toy with us further, we truly do not know, so. W-We can assume nothing. That is why …
[The next important order of business.]
Tatsumi-san should have woken with a palm sized gem of some sort on his person. Is that true?
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The gemstone, though. Tatsumi nods, reaching into one of his pockets to withdraw the rock in question. It's diamond shaped, unsurprisingly, a vibrant teal color with flecks of gold throughout. Two of the corners are chipped and there's a crack right down the center, but it's otherwise in fine shape. ]
Is this what you mean?
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[Mayoi can’t help but lean in close to look at it once Tatsumi has it out. Now that they know what they mean, looking at them feels very intimate. That Tatsumi’s is still diamond shaped even after knowing ALKALOID was disbanded in his memories, it brings a certain amount of fondness to Mayoi. That bond truly was forged of steel, wasn’t it?]
[Very gently, Mayoi takes his hands, folding Tatsumi’s hand securely over the gem and then clasping it between Mayoi’s hands]
Keep it safe at all costs. Our… our lives are bound to these gems. Our bodies are capable of dying, but so long as this gem is safe, we will revive.
[There is a beat before Mayoi tightens his grip on Tatsumi’s hands.]
I-I know it sounds impossible- it should be, truly, but— A-Amagi-san has experienced it first hand.
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But the tension comes back just a moment later, and Tatsumi's grip on Mayoi tightens. Dying and coming back? That's both extremely uncomfortable and extremely alarming to think about. But more importantly... ]
Does Hiiro-san know?
[ Because Rinne dying seems like the sort of thing that would make him fully lose his shit. ]
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Yes. I- I was not there when he found out, I think they had a very private conversation about the matter, but it is public knowledge in this town that Amagi-san died.
[And then he offers a small, humorless little smile.]
I imagine he felt his pride was not worth withholding such information from the rest of us, so he announced it at one of the town meetings.
[There is a small pause, and Mayoi looks decidedly uncomfortable.]
I have also sustained injuries that ...likely should have killed me, but did not.
backdated to 12/28
There wasn't a lot of things that were considered good or enjoyable here. Decent and acceptable, if not involving injury or death, was all they can ask for. Things that make them content.
So a small celebration was something they wanted to give Tatsumi, to make up for his poor experience so far, and to liven up their own lives.
They waited until he was downstairs before Hiiro snuck up to the attic, the decorations they've been making in his arms. He had to hide them from everyone so no one saw, because they wanted a small affair. It wouldn't do to leave it in the attic where Tatsumi was staying with Mayoi, after all.
They had to work fast, so as soon as they could, they started hanging up the decorations. There's the stringed up 'Happy Birthday' message that Mayoi made, the small wax candles Hiiro made, and other paraphernalia they happened to gather.
It was in the middle of deciding how to get the cake out of the refrigerator when Tatsumi returns, making them freeze in place.]
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He's not expecting to return to the attic and be confronted with the preamble to a birthday celebration. He blinks and freezes, suddenly overcome with an awkward sort of shyness. It's not hard for him to piece together what he's missing, and just the thought that the two of them would even try warms his heart until it nearly chokes him.
Ah, he can't let them think he's upset. So he offers them a warm smile, and if it's a little more personal and earnest than usual then surely that's fine. ]
I would offer to wait until you're done, but I don't think we should let breakfast get cold.
[ He gently gestures with his tray of food and bowls and utensils. See? ]
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[But, he thinks too that Tatsumi is the sort of person to appreciate that sort of thing, so they quickly got to work when Tatsumi left for breakfast. Ah, but, the cake was such an obstacle that they lost much more time trying to sort it out than Mayoi expected.]
[So, when Tatsumi appears again at the door, Mayoi bristles like a startled cat.]
T-Tatsumi-san!
[Oh. Oh, what does he think? Is he upset? Is it bad? Mayoi is about to leap into several apologies before he finally speaks up, and he feels himself settling back down.]
A-Ah... that is. That is probably best...
[Fidget ...fidget...]
I-I'm sorry, I hope. I hope Tatsumi-san is alright with this- we. We wanted to give you a small celebration...
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[In contrast, Hiiro immediately bounces back to cheerfulness, no sense of embarrassment left at being caught. He hangs the last of the decoration quickly before he grabs Mayoi's hand in his, gesturing to the sign.]
Happy Birthday, Tatsumi-senpai! Thank you for being born.
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There is a flicker to Tatsumi's expression when Hiiro offers that particular phrasing of his birthday wishes, a slight waver born of joy that shines so intently it burns. But in the end it's genuine delight and affection that fuels his smile. Tatsumi strides forward and sets the breakfast platter on the attic table. ]
Thank you, Hiiro-san. And you as well, Mayoi-san. You must have worked hard to get all of this together.
[ And all of it for him, at that. ]
I really am blessed to have you both as friends.
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[Mayoi's own smile grows and he holds his hands gently in front of him.]
We are both blessed to have you, as well. Happy Birthday, Tatsumi-san.
[After a moment, Mayoi fidgets a bit with a loose piece of hair, turning to Hiiro.]
I'll go and fetch the cake.
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[That means he has to let go of his hand. He should do that, so he does. Still, if Mayoi was going to get the cake, Hiiro and Tatsumi would just end up waiting quietly and talking.
They can't hand him his presents until all three of them are here.]
Then I'll wait here with Tatsumi-senpai.
[At this, he turns to Tatsumi and bounds over to pull him into his signature hug. The same way he always does, with Aira or Mayoi.]
jan 21st
kaname wants to at least pretend he's following one of his brother's wishes. in any case, when he does manage to spot an opening, tatsumi'll feel a tug on his clothes for his attention. it's kaname, suddenly appearing from beside a shop, with a box in hand. like the kind bakeries have for smaller pastries. ]
Tatsumi-senpai. [ hello. he's just shoving the box at him. ] Here, you can have those. Eat them before they melt.
[ ... even though he'd been told, like everyone else, to refer to kaname as "yodaka", at least tatsumi knows that isn't his real name. they'd been schoolmates after all. him and one of the "HiMERU"s. ]
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Not that Tatsumi has had much luck in that field, either. The MDM had been one thing, where nearly everyone remembered something different to what Tatsumi did, but the only three points of data he has are himself, HiMERU, and Kaname. He keeps catching himself wishing Jun was here, and then immediately chiding himself for wishing for such a thing.
The feeling that he's being avoided is an old friend, at least, and it doesn't gnaw at him as much as it had when he was a child. Still, the speed at which he goes from startled to delighted when Kaname materializes in front of him is obvious. He accepts the pastries with a smile that's so pleased it borders on silly. ]
Thank you, Kaname-san. I hope it wasn't difficult for you to get a hold of these.
[ Tatsumi remembers HiMERU asking (ordering) then to refer to Kaname as Yodaka. But, as Tatsumi had realized with bizarre and overwhelming anxiety, HiMERU and Kaname are not actually the same person. So he'll wait until Kaname himself makes the request. ]
Have you been adjusting well? Your brother was rather worried about you.
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nice.
it makes him beam, far too pleased too. it's like they're really equals. that, and the delight that tatsumi has in seeing him... it's embarrassing how some things don't change. kaname wishes this particular thing did.
the box won't really be pastries, mind -- they're actually chocolates, three solid pawprint ones and three truffles with an attempt at chocolate cream inside. it's honestly probably one of his better tries for cream and that isn't saying much. ]
It wasn't a trouble at all, I made them!
[ preening... he made them. he should not be trusted with a knife but chocolate is fine. ]
And I'm adjusting well enough. Of course, the weather has been a thorn in my side, but that's the least of my worries -- you get used to it. [ you should not get used to it. ] My brother's certainly one to talk, though -- I'm the one worrying over him.
[ ... and feeling so lonely won't lie... why won't HiMERU keep his visits as long as he did before, why does he always have something else to do or someplace to be now... it's just like over the phone again... ]
Honestly, he's a handful.
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Of course, with that certainty comes the simmering guilt of never having noticed for certain, and the queasy nausea of realizing that this means he has no idea where Kaname really is back home. But those are his emotions to deal with. They may concern Kaname, but they aren't his concern.
So instead, Tatsumi will let himself be pleased all over again when Kaname brags about having made the chocolates himself. It's something to keep his mood elevated while they turn towards a subject that, frankly, is much less pleasant. ]
Have you told him? I think it's natural for brothers to worry about one another, but it's not good for either of you to be stressed.
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[ it's a single flaw in the other. almost refreshing, if it wasn't so similar to a certain someone. ]
Just like you. You certainly are lucky you have others to watch over you now, since were such a handful yourself... though I hope that you've learned better.
[ kaname pairs his words with a stern look, but that's about as far as he'll lecture the other; he hasn't the right to anymore, after all.
... honestly, why don't they get along? they're so alike, and they're both important to him. kaname hates sneaking around behind his brother's back, as used to it as he is by now, and with the same person he had before too. ]
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I'm afraid I still have a lot to learn. It's difficult to remember that I don't always need to be self-sufficient now.
[ Technically speaking, he hadn't needed that in Reimei either - but now he's relying on people that are supposed to be his peers, not his subordinates, and it comes a little easier. ]
I'm surprised HiMERU-san is the same way. Crazy:B's relationship with each other isn't the same as what we have in ALKALOID, but they still seem quite close.
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My brother seems to like them, but I don't know at all how they interact with one another... That's good enough for me though, even if the only one I can really stand is Shiina. Amagi is too coarse and Oukawa...
[ ... ]
Oukawa just ticks me off.
[ yeah. no that isn't all it is, there's an underlying enviousness on kaname's part for oukawa's natural talent while he lacks it himself. ]
I'm not surprised Taka-nii is the way he is, though -- he lived alone for a long time before he and I met, though I don't know if he remembers that.
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Hmm. Crazy:B was in the same position as ALKALOID for some time, given the concerns about our performance. It can be hard to shake off that sort of anxiety.
[ He's ultimately only guessing, however. HiMERU has (very pointedly, he's realizing) refused to let Tatsumi get too close, so there's actually not much Tatsumi knows about him. ]
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[ ... well, no more than his companion anyway. but tatsumi is painfully human, even if he is an extraordinary human. more than that, though -- ]
Is it about your prior status as an "underachiever", Tatsumi-senpai? Suou mentioned it -- I couldn't believe my ears -- and I didn't ask after it, since there was no way someone like you could've ever been called that.
[ in fact he got real pissed about it. actually he does when anyone mentions it so that's why he never finds out why. ]
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Aira-san said something similar when we were assigned to a unit together. It's true, though. No matter how impressive someone might find my resume from my time in Reimei, I still spent many months hardly achieving anything under Starmaker Production.
[ As for why, well... eh, it's not entirely worth discussing right this moment. ]
I think most people would agree it was generous of Eichi-san to even give me a second chance, rather than firing me outright.
[ But the full details on his opinion on Eichi, too, aren't something really worth discussing right now. ]
Late in feb - Idol Haus [cw: drugging. mayoi's intrusive thoughts. soft yan tendencies]
[Mayoi is troubled and he has been lost in his own thoughts. It's been some time since he's let them take the reigns like this, but ...well. It's been a long time since he's been given the outlet. Hiiro has not been able to sleep, because he's gone and gotten himself into something. It's distressing to watch him suffer but it's even more distressing that the boy has barely been alive again a few days before he's gotten cursed. He's... he's a little wound up on top of his concern.]
[So he is gleefully smashing valerian root into a tray of dried chamomile and muttering to himself.]
Just enough, just enouuugh, and he will not do this agaiiiin, isn't that right...? A little more ...to keep him in line, yes. He cannot get into trouble if he is too tiiiiired...
[A soft, spooky chuckle.]
This much is okay, isn't it...? It's for the best.
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That's not a metaphor, or at least he doesn't think it is. That sort of thing would make perfect since in a town like this. If there is, in fact, actually be a demon in his closet? Whatever. That's Tuesday for you. Still. While Tatsumi has come to accept that this town has demons, and that those demons aren't necessarily a problem, this demon is in his closet. He'd rather it not be, and so he approaches.
But then he gets closer and recognizes Mayoi's voice, and he realizes the only demons to fight tonight are the metaphorical sort. He lingers outside the door for a moment, eavesdropping to ensure that he's not interrupting anything truly dire. After a long moment, he lifts a hand to knock. ]
Mayoi-san.
[ His tone is soft and gentle, but perhaps a little more tired than usual. ]
Would you come out?
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HIIEEE!
[He nearly jumps straight out of his skin, snapping back to reality. He's disoriented, alarmed, and suddenly now, full of panic. Tatsumi-san has cauuuuught him, what is he to do? Oh no, oh no...]
T-Tatsumi-san! [He has not come out. In fact he might be wedged under the small work space he was making his concoction on.]
I-I-I wasn't g-going to really do iiiit, Tatsumi-saaaan, I promise! I promise! Please don't smite meeeeee....!!
[He was, if he's being honest. He'd full intentions of putting this in Hiiro-san's food, but he is already sick with shame at being caught, he isn't going to admit it and make it worse.]
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And yeah, that's a problem. But since it hasn't ended up in Hiiro's food yet, it's less pressing problem than Mayoi's current mental state. ]
I'm going to open up the door, okay?
[ And then he will do just that - provided it's unlocked. ]
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[He doesn't not call out to stop him. He does not move from where he is wedged under the table, ether. The closet is not very big and is normally just has the space for one person and all the tea and tea supplies so its a bit of a snug fit-- however, Tatsumi should be able to close the door behind him if he chooses.]
[Mayoi has a miserable look about him, and he's already got fresh tears streaming down his face. He is in a bad way, and he let his thoughts sweep him up in his helplessness to do anything about the situation.]
...I-Its okay if you must... I'm just a rotten, worthless shadow, Tatsumi-san. I can't do anything to help anyone...
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He reaches out to pick up the tray of Mayoi's concoction, lifting it just far enough for him to catch the scent of the contents. The unmistakable odor of valerian root jumps out at him immediately, along with the gentler scent of chamomile. A sleep aid, then. He sets the tray back down.
His normally serene expression clouds at the sight of Mayoi's tear-streaked face and the self-loathing in his words. He stays where he is for the moment, but only because he fears reaching so far into Mayoi's haven before he's ready will only upset him further. ]
You know, Mayoi-san, I think if you offered this to Hiiro-san and told him it would help him sleep, he would accept it gladly.
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[It's a little too much for him right now and he sucks in a breath, only for him to choke out a sob a moment later, bringing his hands to his face.]
....Would it...? Would it...? Would he accept such a thing from me...?
[Of course he would, but right now he can't see it. Can't see that the obvious solution here is to just go and confront someone face-to-face instead of resorting to his quieter, worrisome habits.]
I don't know if it would even help... I've never seen him struggle to sleep like this. I don't know what else to do.
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Of course he will. The situation is dire enough that something like this would be merited.
[ But that's not really what Mayoi is asking, and Tatsumi knows it. So he gives those words a moment to sink in, and then he continues. ]
And he would be grateful to know that you've struggled so much to help him. He's a good kid, and he loves you, Mayoi-san.
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...I-I'm sorry. Tatsumi-san is being so kind and patient with me, but I feel rather undeserving of it right now.
[He takes a shaky breath.]
These ...These things that keep happening, I wish I could be the one to shoulder it instead of him. I would gladly do it, Tatsumi-san.